Thursday, December 1, 2011

That Wretched Mean Old Lady!

Source: via Sal on Pinterest

The summer before I turned 13, I screamed in the bathroom one morning.  That morning I met someone who would be in my life forever.  And this has not always been a good thing! 

My mean old Aunt Flo nearly scared me out of my seat that summer morning.  She only stayed for a couple of days, but she kept coming back every month or so.  I never knew when she'd appear.  Sometimes late at night while I was dreaming sweetly in bed and other times, surprising me when I was just minding my own business.

I learned that she was not going to be the nicest person in the world.  She would be so mean sometimes that she'd make me faint or punch me in the stomach without warning!  I was so confused because I was such a nice girl {really!} but almost every time she'd come around, she'd make me cry like nobody's business!

I did learn as I got older that she didn't like water much though, so I started staying in the shower or the bath for hours on end.  I imagined if she was even near water, she'd melt like the Wicked Witch of West
I was thrilled! 
I also noticed that she really liked hot water bottles, so I'd sleep with one all the time.

In my 20s or so, she wouldn't come by when I expected her {sometimes days late that I actually wished she would come by}.  And then, the evil lady, imagine me clubbing or out on a date and Bam!  She'd slap me around and make me go home.  She was the strictest woman I knew!

I did notice other times that she was out of town for a really long stretch, too - like something over 9 months!  It was awesome.  I figured she was allergic to pregnant women, but as soon as the baby arrived she'd come back in full swing and staying for way longer than I ever needed.  That only happened two times, though. 

Well there was that time before Little Love was only a thought that she left for almost 2 months, but devastatingly came back when she wasn't supposed to : (

I've figured that Aunt Flo is that mean old lady in the family that makes you do stuff you never would....and all in one sitting! 
She'll make me giddy one minute,
cry the next,
make me grub on chocolate,
and then having me grabbing potato chips right after. 
She's gotten me in such an emotional rollercoaster that one time I just laid in bed all day hoping she would just go away.  She eventually always does though.  I think she gets bored with me after 5-7 days.

And then I notice that right after she's visiting my closest friends!  What's up with that?  She's everybody's nasty aunt? Is that possible?!
What do I do about this woman?!
Please help.

Just yesterday, she made me cry.  She dragged me through the mud and back.  I always think I'm prepared, but she justs tips her head back and cackles that evil laugh, saying,
"I'll get you, my pretty!"

Well, she'll be gone Monday, I hope.

: ) : (  : } : / : D
~ Nay ~


Catie said...

Great post, made me smile!!!

CHE said...

Love this. The mean old woman drives me nuts too. Very well written :)

Jill said...

Haha! Oh Nay, this is funny...I actually went half-way through this post thinking, "Wow, her aunt really punches her in the stomach?" I'm such a loser...LOL

But to be fair, my friends and I all had a mean friend named "Sam" (I have no idea why we named him that) - so I didn't clue into "who" Aunt Flo was right away. LOL

jackie b central texas said...

For years when someone when refer to their visits from "Auntie Flo" I did not have a clue what the hay they were talking about. Okay so I am a little dingy that way, sue me! LOL
Now though, "ouch" not only do I get the reference but will be so glad when she never comes to visit me again. Hopefully that will be within the next few years as her visits have lasted now for 35 years and it is time for her to go away!

Nay, I "feel" your pain and still laughed along with everyone else. After all if we do not find the humor in things we might as well stop breathing because some things for women just have to be lived through and Aunt Flo is one of those things.

Nay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mallory said...

Hysterical! My Aunt Flo happens to be in town right now and she convinced me to buy red velvet holiday milk(yes there is such a thing) at Target today.

Lacee said...

Hi Nay! Stopping by form the blog hop to say HI and thanks for joining us :) Loved this post!! Aunt Flo IS evil!!

Kenya G. Johnson said...

Do you find the older you get the crazier, I mean exorcist moments, you feel on any given day shortly before her visit or is it just me? ;-)

Pidg said...

See! I knew we were related I have an Aunt Flo too and she's wretched! She doesn't usually make me cry but she does make me wanna cuss like a sailor ;)

Kiki said...

Haha, "when I was just minding my own business." NOTHING compares to that precious pregnant/nursing stretch, huh? :)