Tuesday, March 13, 2012

didn't know...and now i do

As I see it, this week is a big one. 
So many strong women are revealing their innermost secrets through Ashley's
see more about it here
and I am so very envious of them to be able to put it all out there, to share of themselves, to be so real.  I thought long and hard about wanting to share the secret(s) about myself. 
The ones I would love to just dump out to the world so that they would go away.
The thing is I just couldn't. 
 I had the post all written out and ready to push *publish*...but before I could do that,
I had to pray.
I asked for guidance.
Did I want to relive, through my writing, the secrets that I've been trying to get away from all these years?
Did those secrets matter anymore?
Do those secrets show who I am now?

In my heart I knew it wasn't a good time.
If I shared the images of my past with you, it just wouldn't be good for anyone.
Especially me.
I would be shedding light on things that sometimes are better left in the dark.
Yes, I know it's not healthy.
Yes, I know it's better to just talk about it.
But I can't.
That's my secret, I guess...
...that I don't want you to know about my past.
I want you to know me for what I am now and what I will be in the future.
I want you to know that I got through it
I prevailed.

My secret?
I'm a survivor.

With all my love,
I do want to say how happy I am that Ashley did this, though.  I want to tell her that she opened my eyes.  I want to say, "Thank you.  I wouldn't have even thought about everything that had happened if it weren't for your idea for this week."  I would also tell her that because of this week, she has helped so many women in our blogworld let things out in a safe place where there is no judgment.
And to Beth at Through the Eyes of the Mrs.,
thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone.

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Lani @ Its My Life said...

You are a brave women! The fact that you turned to prayer for your fears says so much about you!

AbsoluteMommy said...

It's your secret. To share or to keep. When it feels right you will.
Lots of hugs for you today!

Manda Jane said...

Love this! Sometimes it takes just as much courage to know when to let go and move on. And that's a very important lesson to learn!

Beth @ Through the Eyes of the Mrs. said...

I think you are absolutely amazing and I'm so thankful for you in my life. It's okay either way and I think you said it well, xoxo

Fallon said...

Sometimes just putting the words out there for you to read is a big step! Dont be discouraged, they dont call them secrets for no reason. You are a brave and strong woman, (yup, I get it, just from reading about you) and I am so glad that you are a survivor! Be proud for everything that you have overcome!

Ashley said...

Thank you so much for your kind words. You truly are a magnificent woman and I respect you SO much for this.

My hope was to do exactly what you mentioned and I am so glad that you were one of the many beautiful women I feel a bit closer to now. :)

Salena @ A Little Piece of Me said...

I totally understand. I thought long and hard about it last night. I've been wanting to participate from the moment I saw it announced a while back, even have the button on my blog and facebooked and tweeted about it. The things I would share, I am not free and cleared of. There are others involved and it would be exposing their secrets as well. No way around it. I don't want to just throw something in just because. Others have poured their hearts and souls into their posts and I would rather be a support to them than just write up something just to participate. Love your honesty and good for you for being a survivor of those things you have put behind you. xoxo

Kristen said...

The past is what makes us truly beautiful. We don't have to relive it constantly to appreciate how it has made us each better. Whatever is in your past, it doesn't really matter. You are amazing for having come out the other side of it!