Thursday, March 1, 2012

what i see in the mirror...

"Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
...Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?"

I was watching American Idol last night and heard one of the contestants sing "Reflection."  I heard those lyrics and they moved something inside of me.

I didn't cry. 
 It didn't take my breath away.

It just put a little something in me that said,
"Hey, you're listening to this for a reason!"

I remember feeling like I was drowning in my thoughts as I was growing up.
{okay, truthfully, even last night...}
Always looking back, never forward.
Always seeking approval...being the person everyone else wanted me to be.
{or I thought they wanted me to be...}
 And I believed I had done a good job at it, too.
But the person I thought I was portraying to everyone wasn't really coming through or who they saw.
Ironically, because I was always trying to be a "good girl",
I was seen as the rebel....one of the black sheep in the perfect flock.

I think I still feel like that.
Seeking approval.
The "Am I Good Enough?" stuff.

So those lyrics come up and that thought comes to my head...
And then I think,
"It's just too hard, though.  I've been doing this all my life."

Well, maybe it's time to stop.
No, not maybe.
null

6 comments:

Manda Jane said...

Thanks for linking up! I still struggle sometimes with being who I am versus who everyone thinks I am. I feel like I have one image to the public, but that image isn't a true reflection of who I am. xoxo

Mamasita said...

** there is nothing more beautiful and true as the REAL you!!!! our Jesus made you ONE OF A KIND, girlfriend!!! :) Let that sparkle shine thru!!!

Kristen said...

Good for you for making that decision! The cool thing is, people will probably appreciate you even more when you're just you.

rororoyourboat710 said...

I love that you're you. And i love that i can be me around you, too. No judgement, no nothing. Just unconditional love.

Fallon said...

I hear you girl~ I have gotten to the point, where if they dont accept me, then I dont want to be accepted. Life is too short. I hope you have a beauitful thursday!

Ashley said...

I've been struggling with the real me lately as well. It's a tough thing to find, accept, and then portray but I know it's worth it. I know we can both do it. :)

Happy Friday!