Thursday, April 12, 2012

Being "Mommy"

"Mommy?!"
{yelled in that sing-song way kids do - from upstairs while I'm downstairs usually}
"Yes, baby?"
"Mommy?!"
"Yes, love?"
{still patient and nice}
"Mommy?!"
I stomp upstairs....thinking, "ugh! why can't she {or he, for that matter} just tell me what she wants. Why do I have to go all the way upstairs? Don't they know I'm busy?"
"Mommy?!"
"Yes, baby, what do you need?"
"I love you."

It's like a jab to the heart, I tell you.
I feel so fricken awful when I'm too "busy" for my kids.  Did you see what I was thinking up there when I stomped up the stairs?
It was "what now?" not "oh, how nice, my kid(s) want/need me"...

I try so very hard to be a good momma.  I feel guilty a lot of the time that I can't be a stay-at-home mom and give them my undivided attention.  I feel bad that I have to work all day and then come home pretty darn tired and sometimes {well, who am I kidding? a lot of the time...} just wanting a few moments of quiet.  Just a few minutes...

And I hate that I'm not full energy for them when I pick them up from their long day at school and after-school care.
I hate it.

But I do the best I can with the cards I've been given. And, my best is pretty okay with them.


I'm the only momma they've got.  They love me so very much {"so much, my arms twist around, Mommy!"} and I make them happy, safe, loved, cared for...

Bottom line?
I love my kids.  More than I ever thought I could love anything or anyone in this world.  It's amazing. Yes, I get down on myself because I can't do it all. But, you know -  It's okay.  I make an effort.  I try...and that is what matters, right?

So, you!
Yes, you, the momma on the other side of this screen...
You are doing a great job.  Really.
Believe it.
Don't doubt it {and I'll try not to, either.}
Deal?


4 comments:

Aubrey said...

o. gosh. same case scenario, and then the "I love you"
Jab. twist. turn. GUILT.
thanks mama for this post.

Manda Jane said...

DEAL! And just what I needed to hear on a week like I'm having. There are times when I feel like I'm failing them all and I just have to remember that I'm trying. And doing the very best I know how to do! And I pray that it's enough! Such an amazing post. Thanks for sharing and linking up!

Aleks said...

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Kristen said...

I hope someday I can love my kids as much as you love yours! I don't think that you should feel guilty about having to work and not being able to be with them all of the time, because you are doing your best and working your hardest to provide for them and make their lives better. Don't ever let anyone (especially yourself) take away from that.