Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Days Off....

I had two days off.
Friday.
and Monday.

It was good because...
I got the whole apartment cleaned.
I got laundry done.
I had a Starbucks date with myself and my notebook.
I got a pedi...and mani.
I spent an afternoon with my little brother and nephew.

But
{because there's always a "but" with me...}
It wasn't great because...
I had too much time to myself.
I was thinking too much.
I asked God to take me...
{because I thought that it would make everything easier...}

And
you know what happened?
I got sick Friday night through Saturday night.
Ice cold, one minute....Piercing hot, the next...
I was weak.
I felt like I was, well...dying.

And then, I thought to myself,
"oh."
I didn't get instantly better in my brain, but I wasn't sick anymore.
At first, I thought,
"Oh my gosh.  I asked for death and He's punishing me with what it feels like it."
But, then I thought,
"No, He doesn't do that.  He wouldn't do that."
Right?

I know there's something not right.
I know I've been down lately.
Maybe I just need to ask for the right thing instead of what I think would be the right thing.

Should I have put that out there?
Yes.
Why?
This is my outlet....
I'm not the only one in the world who has felt like this either.
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7 comments:

Kristen Seuberling said...

Yes...

You, my best bloggy friend, are loved beyond imagine. And I am glad you chose to look up.

Cat said...

Thank you for this. It's good to know we are not alone. I was thinking to myself today "huh, the kids have been just as cranky as always, the house is as much of a mess, but today I feel good. last week, I wanted to jump off the roof, but today I feel good." For a lot of us life is a pendulum and I really appreciate your perspective today. I will definitely remember it the next time life swings back to the negative. Asking God for what He knows is best for us - amazing point! Thanks for putting it out there.

AbsoluteMommy said...

I think that he made you sick so you would know you are alive. Alive to feel love and pain, and sickness and health. I have tried really hard to accept this journey that God has put me on. I have to have faith in Him and his plan. Sometimes I don't like it, sometimes I feel hurt or down, or at my wits end, but I have to keep the faith that there is a method to the madness.
Use your writing to find your answers. Ask Him for faith and guidance and piece of mind.
Sometimes our answers aren't crystal clear. Keep listening.
XOXOXO
Megan

Kathy Schneider said...

*hugs* I've been there. It'll get better. Just keep your faith, which seems to be strong, and you'll make it through.

rororoyourboat710 said...

Feel ya, girl. Glad u are able to express urself on here. Know u are loved 280 miles away. Email me ur address pls.

Jackie Burris said...

Nay hopefully life will do it's turn around and your frown will turn into a smile, also hopefully your online "outlet" will make you understand that no you are not alone and we love you even though most of us will never meet you in person.
Virtual hugs my friend, I honestly hope you feel more your normal exuberant self soon as it hurts to see you feeling so down and out lately. :-(


BTW kick the devil in the seat of his pants and do not let him win, you know that you deserve better!
jackie b central texas

Mari said...

Prima! First of all, I love you. And as you already know hubbie and lovely kids love you as well. So many many people who need you around, ok?
Life is not easy and not fun at times, but I have found it is important to accept the challenges we might have to face as they have been sent for a reason, don't ask me what it is, as I don't know myself. But I trust we are sent only what we are capable to deal with and succeed.
I love you!